{"id":1423,"date":"2012-01-31T11:28:10","date_gmt":"2012-01-31T17:28:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.austindivorceworkbook.com\/?p=1423"},"modified":"2012-02-05T16:33:49","modified_gmt":"2012-02-05T22:33:49","slug":"help-your-children-survive-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.austindivorcehelp.com\/help-your-children-survive-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Help Your Children Survive Divorce: 7 Do’s and 7 Don’ts"},"content":{"rendered":"

\nYour children are likely going to experience sadness, fear and frustration because of your divorce.\u00a0 As much as you love them, you can’t fix that.\u00a0 But there are things you can do to help them deal with those emotions and even minimize them to some extent.\n<\/p>\n

\nConsider this post as a starter guide.\u00a0 I’m a divorce lawyer, not a child psychologist, so if you need more advice, I recommend that you speak to a professional counselor. For now, I want to suggest some basic do’s and don’ts.\n<\/p>\n

\nSeven Don\u2019ts:
\n<\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. \n\tDon\u2019t pretend.\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to act as if nothing\u2019s changed.\u00a0 Children are generally extremely sensitive to the realities behind words, and they despise fakery–especially about something that\u2019s going to affect every aspect of their own lives.\n\t<\/li>\n
  2. \n\tDon\u2019t dump your own confusion, fear, anger and sorrow onto your children.\u00a0 You need to protect them as much as possible.\n\t<\/li>\n
  3. \n\tDon\u2019t be shocked, and try not to take it personally, if a child lashes out in anger.\u00a0 It\u2019s honest communication; it\u2019s good.\n\t<\/li>\n
  4. \n\tDon\u2019t be surprised if your children resist talking to you about the divorce, but will talk to other adults about it.\u00a0 They won\u2019t have to avoid emotional landmines with those people that they\u2019d fear triggering with you.\u00a0 And teenage children especially, even in the best of times, feel an inordinate need to guard their privacy with their parents.\u00a0 They may need to gain some clarity into their emotions before they can share them with you.\n\t<\/li>\n
  5. \n\tDon\u2019t treat your spouse with disrespect, either in person or to when you’re talking to your children.\u00a0 Despite how you feel about your spouse, they are still your child’s Mom or Dad. They shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about loving them.\n\t<\/li>\n
  6. \n\tDon\u2019t burden your children with financial and legal details that would only worry them. In general, don’t talk to them about the details of the divorce. This can also hurt your case. The courts do not look kindly on it when couples involve their children in adult matters.\n\t<\/li>\n
  7. \n\tDon’t introduce your children to any new romantic interests. They are going through enough right now. It’s unfair for them to have more people coming into (and out of) their lives. It will also confuse them and the courts don’t like it.\n\t<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \nSeven Do\u2019s:
    \n<\/h2>\n
      \n
    1. \n\tTell them that both of their parents love them and that what’s happening is not their fault.\n\t<\/li>\n
    2. \n\tTalk to your children about impending changes before they happen.\u00a0 Try to have both parents present.\u00a0 Give your children as much information as you can about the things that will affect them directly.\n\t<\/li>\n
    3. \n\tGive your children power over the personal decisions that are appropriate for them given their age and maturity level.\u00a0 If there are differences of opinion, talk them out.\u00a0 Even more importantly, “listen them out.”\u00a0 Take each child’s preferences and comfort zones into account and respect them.\n\t<\/li>\n
    4. \n\tTry hard to keep other adults with whom your children have established bonds present in your children\u2019s lives, even if those adults are associated with "the other side."\u00a0 This isn\u2019t only for the comfort of familiar faces and routines, though that\u2019s important.\u00a0 As noted above, initially it may be easier for some children to express their feelings to a trusted adult who is outside the situation than to you.\n\t<\/li>\n
    5. \n\tKeep your eyes open for signs of depression or withdrawal.\u00a0 Not all children express their anger or fear by lashing out.\u00a0 Make it clear that when they\u2019re ready to talk, you\u2019ll be there.\u00a0 If that doesn\u2019t happen soon, seek outside help.\n\t<\/li>\n
    6. \n\tTake care of your own emotional needs.\u00a0 Some children will try to make that their own responsibility–out of fear, love for you, and to increase their sense of control.\u00a0 It\u2019s a false sense.\u00a0 If you take care of your emotional needs, your children can focus on their own.\n\t<\/li>\n
    7. \n\tIn terms of that last suggestion:\u00a0 Find time to do the things you love, to be with the people who make you laugh and support you unconditionally, and to maintain familiar structures in your life.\u00a0 If you\u2019re going to help your children heal, you have to begin to heal yourself.\n\t<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      \nYou can help your children realize that the fact that nothing is going to be the same doesn\u2019t mean there won\u2019t be any more love or joy.\u00a0 Consciously creating supportive new patterns, instead of waiting for them to appear out of the blue, is work you and your children can do together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Your children are likely going to experience sadness, fear and frustration because of your divorce.\u00a0 As much as you love them, you can’t fix that.\u00a0 But there are things you can do to help them deal with those emotions and even minimize them to some extent. Consider this post as a starter guide.\u00a0 I’m a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"Help Your Children Survive Divorce | Austin Divorce Help","_seopress_titles_desc":"Divorce is tough on adults, but it's even tougher on children. 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